Making Amends
by prettyboylover666
Summary: Toadstep couldn't believe it. His father was actually talking to him! Who knew all it took was him dying for that to happen? Post Last Hope.


It felt weird knowing that he was going to die.

He more or less had accepted it at this point. After all, when all he could do all day was lay in a nest in the medicine cat den and let the fluid congesting his lungs slowly drown him, there was plenty of time left to accept the fact that he was going to die. It was weird too, because as scared as he was, a part of him knew dying wouldn't be too horrible. He had no doubt StarClan would be a welcoming and beautiful place to spend eternity, at least, if it was as good as his Clanmates made it sound.

But that still didn't exactly make him feel better. Immature as it was, he couldn't help but feel like this was too early for him to die. No cat could choose exactly when they died, but he hadn't been able to do so many things yet. He never got to train an apprentice or find a mate and have kits. He hadn't been able to fully live yet. He didn't get to stick around and see how the rest of his family would grow. The unfair nature of it all was bitter as mouse-bile to swallow.

Not helped by the fact that his Clanmates seemed obsessed with keeping the illusion that he was fine. Jayfeather was constantly telling him he would get better, seemingly ignoring the fact that the medicine cat had pushed almost every herb in the den on him and he still showed no signs of improvement. Then again, he supposed it would be in poor taste for a medicine cat to give up hope completely in front of a cat, but Toadstep couldn't help but think Jayfeather had long since accepted, like him, that he was going to die, but simply didn't want to say it out loud.

But it wasn't just Jayfeather who was supposedly putting on an act. His whole family seemed to skirt around the topic of death and insisted he would get better… but he could see that they didn't quite believe that in the little things they did.

Like the way his mother, Daisy, insisted on visiting him multiple times a day - always seeming to look for an excuse to come in. Whenever she managed to barge past Jayfeather, she would pad over to him and begin grooming his fur or murmur encouragements to him or fuss about how uncomfy Jayfeather made their nests before running off to collect the softest bedding she could find for him. Part of him was annoyed that she insisted on treating him like he was a kit, but he couldn't find it within himself to snap at her about it. After all, he knew this had to be incredibly hard on her. She had always been a caring mother, so it had to be agony for her to have to sit here and see another one of her kits die via illness and there was nothing she could do about it. He still remembered her wails of grief when Hazeltail died and his heart broke at the fact that he would probably cause her the same pain within the coming days.

He caught the way she tried to linger with him- whether it be nosing him on the ear for a few heartbeats longer than usual or insisting to eat lunch with him or arguing with Jayfeather whenever he tried to kick her out in fear she would get ill herself.

Part of him wondered if it would be more merciful to her if he just died. It would allow her to grieve and get a sense of closure so she could finally move on with her life and not spend a majority of her time on him. He couldn't help but feel like him continuing to to live (if you could call it that) was just giving her false hope and dragging out the inevitable.

His mother wasn't the only one who came to visit him. His littermate, Rosepetal, would always force Jayfeather to let her take him outside, insisting that some fresh air would do him good. While he couldn't attest to the fresh air making him any less sick, he did appreciate the ability to leave the medicine cat den for a few moments and talk to Rosepetal. The two of them had always been close and he honestly considered her his best friend.

She did a much better job at hiding her concern than Daisy did. She still gave easy smiles and joked around with him and would allow him to let out rasping breaths and coughs when he needed without comment. However, he still caught her sad glances that she threw his way sometimes, nor did he miss the way she seemed to be more nostalgic whenever he was around, recounting good and funny memories of them when they were younger. He didn't like to see her sad. Rosepetal had always been a cheerful cat, and to see her almost deflated in a way (but trying to hide it) was jarring, and he couldn't help but feel bad.

He officially knew though that he was destined to die when his father of all cats thought he was bad enough to visit. He remembered when Spiderleg awkwardly slid into the den, his heart had immediately started beating, and he had meowed, "Spiderleg?"

Part of him knew he should've felt resentful towards his dad for never being part of his, Rosepetal, and especially Daisy's life. And maybe a small part of him was. But even though that part of him existed somewhere within his soul, he had always found himself wanting to build a relationship of some kind with his father. And he had tried quite a bit in the past. However, it was harder than it seemed. Rosepetal, always somewhat of a cynic, would always snort and joke that even though they were all in the same Clan, it often felt like their father lived in a different Clan than them with how distant he was.

Most of the time, Spiderleg seemed to do his best to keep his distance away from them, and when they were forced together via patrol or other such circumstances, conversation was always kept to a minimum. Toadstep would try to get him to talk occasionally, but that was a tad hard at times given that conversations that weren't awkward were hard to come by and the short responses or grunts his father gave were hard to work with. But Toadstep always held a beacon of hope that one day, he and his father would be able to hold a real, actual conversation with one another.

Who knew all it took was him dying to make that happen?

At first, it seemed like conversation was going to be sparse as usual, since for a few heartbeats, a thick, awkward silence hung over the air. Out of the corner of his eye, Toadstep could see Jayfeather's tabby tail twitching in annoyance. Jayfeather could be lenient when it came to visitors (Daisy and Rosepetal had basically knocked the fight out of him), but he had no patience for those he felt were lollygagging. If his father continued just standing there like a dazed animal, he had no doubt Jayfeather would chase him off and probably rip off a patch of his pelt along the way.

Feeling the desperate need to save his father for some reason, Toadstep decided to be the first to speak. Flicking an ear, his raw throat cracked out a weak, "Dad?"

He was really testing this now. He hadn't called Spiderleg that word since he was a kit. The word, after all, always seemed to set his father off in some way, so he learned not to use it. But hey, he was dying, so as far as he saw it, he had the right to exploit it.

As he predicted, his father stiffened at the word, but to Toadstep's surprise, it got his father talking.

Flicking an ear back, his father said, "May, I uh… talk to you outside?'

Jayfeather actually sprang up and hissed at that, his tail lashing back and forth in the air, "Good StarClan! Does no cat in this Clan get the concept that sick cats are supposed to stay in the medicine cat den?!"

Spiderleg seemed to cringe a little at the medicine cat's words, his ears flattened like a kit who'd just been scolded by an elder for acting up. The black and brown tom began mumbling an apology and for a terrified moment, Toadstep was actually afraid his father would leave like always, so immediately, he turned to Jayfeather and pleaded, "Please Jayfeather! It will only be for a few moments I swear!" He knew the grey tom couldn't see him, but he hoped Jayfeather could hear the desperation in his voice.

The grey tabby tom sighed exasperatedly, and then after huffing through his nose, he growled, "Fine. I will allow you a few minutes." Toadstep actually shot up (trying to ignore that action made him dizzy and off-balanced for a moment) and was about to dart outside like an excited kit when Jayfeather's voice cut in harshly, "But if Spiderleg gets sick because of this, I swear to you, I will kill you both myself. Got it?"

"Got it, Jayfeather…" Toadstep affirmed with an eyeroll he was glad the grey tom couldn't see. He'd honestly heard that same threat a bunch of times already due to Rosepetal's insistent visits. Spiderleg, however, looked in genuine terror at the medicine cat for a moment, his eyes wide and the fur along his spine as he murmured the same affirmation. Toadstep still found it amazing that despite being as small, blind medicine cat, Jayfeather could still manage to scare even the oldest, most hardened warriors. He had to admire that kind of power.

Slipping out, he and his father walked a few paces, before his father found a somewhat secluded area in the shade. It was kind of pathetic as Toadstep only walked a few paces and his breath was shaking and rasping. It felt nice not to breathe in the stuffy air of the medicine cat… but the fresh air wasn't exactly giving him too much relief either seeing as it didn't want to leave his lungs. He began letting out wracking coughs, feeling them shake his whole frame. When he finally recovered, he saw his father looking at him with concern. Spiderleg cleared his throat and asked, "Are you okay?"

Toadstep kind of wanted to laugh at that. Alright? He was dying! He was drowning from his own lungs. He couldn't even take a few steps without gasping for breath. His body was so skinny he was afraid if a strong wind came that he'd be blown away. Of course he wasn't fine!

But he couldn't bring himself to say it. After all, his father was just being polite. So he just let out a huff of a laugh and said, "Yeah, I'm fine."

Spiderleg nodded and for a moment, it was silent. Toadstep was about to try and carry the conversation again by asking what his father wanted with him, but surprisingly enough, it seemed like Spiderleg had found his tongue again as he meowed, "I'm sorry."

Shock took over Toadstep for a moment as he blinked owlishly at his father and said, "Wait… what?"

Spiderleg looked away but said, "I'm sorry. For… everything. For not being a good father, for not trying more… for waiting this long to say it."

Toadstep remained silent, not trusting himself to say anything. Instead, he just stared at the ground, trying to soak in what had just been told to him. He never imagined his father would ever say anything along those lines to him.

Spiderleg shuffled his feet in the ground for a few moments, as if trying to ease some anxiety, before he spoke again, "I kept telling myself that maybe I should try more to connect to you… but I am not good at conversation. Didn't know how to go about it… and admittedly, I got too scared to do it. I didn't think too much of it at the time. After all, you and Rosepetal are so young… I just… figured I had plenty of time to try and make it up with you two. I never expected something like this..." He nodded to Toadstep's shrunken form, "...to happen."

Toadstep still remained silent, his heart feeling heavy.

Spiderleg's tail swished in the dirt as he meowed, "I am sorry this is coming so late…"

"It's not too late," Toadstep suddenly meowed.

Spiderleg flinched and looked at him curiously. Toadstep looked back on him, slightly embarrassed by how quickly he said it, but he figured he should explain it. "It may be too late for me maybe… at least for now. But Rosepetal and Daisy are still alive… and I am sure they would love to hear what you said to me."

Spiderleg opened his mouth to protest. "But Rosepetal-"

"Rosepetal is going to be nasty to you a little bit because she is used to you blowing us off. But I know for a fact she also wants to build a connection with you." Looking at his father solidly in the eye, he meowed, "Listen, earning their forgiveness is not going to be easy. You hurt my mom, sister, and me. I understand where you came from… but it still hurt, Dad, seeing all of the other kits playing with their father and having to see your own father not even want to look at you."

Spiderleg cringed at the words and looked away in shame. He tried to save himself by saying, "I'm sorry-"

"I know that you're sorry," Toadstep meowed, "But if you're really sorry… when I die, you will make an effort to be part of Daisy and Rosepetal's life. You don't have to be a huge part of it… but at least acknowledge them. That is the only request I have… as a dying cat and your son. Could you do that for me… and for them?"

Spiderleg was silent for a moment, looking at him sadly, but eventually he dipped his head and said, "Yes."

Toadstep smiled at him and said, "Good. I am glad. And who knows? Maybe when we meet together in StarClan maybe we can do the same."

Spiderleg looked at him and nodded. Toadstep appreciated the fact that Spiderleg didn't try to deny the fact he would die, but he didn't deny that he would build a relationship with him maybe in StarClan.

He flinched when his father suddenly pressed his nose against the top of his head.

"I am proud of you, son."

Toadstep felt the words stab a bittersweet wound in his heart.

"Thank you, Dad."

* * *

 **A/N:** **Ash is writing Warriors fanfiction in 2017?! What is this?!**

 **Thank lord, it's finally done. This is the first summer thing I've written that has any sort of length to it. It also is one of the oldest fanfictions I have had in mind. Originally, I had this same concept... only it was going to be a Lionstep fic because I shipped that ship for like... a week. But then I decided I didn't like that, and kind of liked focusing on the familial aspect of Toadstep. I love the whole family, even Spiderleg even though he's a prick. lol.**

 **I was so sad when Toadstep was among the minor characters to die... not as sad as I was when Foxleap and Icecloud died (they were my favorite minor character TC warriors) but I was pretty sad. He was such a sweet kid... except in Dovewing's Silence but that book was dumb anyway so...**

 **Hope you enjoyed and as always critique is welcome.**


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